False in Some Sense
Mason, Hobo, Researcher, Narco Claus, Man About Town
Brawling The Mothman x5
Jonah was born in Southeast Asia to a black woman and a testes fly. He needed more oxygen than Asia could provide and so he moved to Terra Lake, Indiana. There he got removed from elementary school for defecating on girls in his class – even though they had consented. He spent the remainder of his education at St. Blumpkin Germaine’s preparatory school for endangered species. He discovered his love for PCP in the 4th grade after he found a bag stuffed up the vaginals of his Mother Superior. He took the entire thing in suppository form and met the Bird People from UnderEarth. They told him of his destiny to destroy the planet by ruling it from behind the throne. Jonah wept and vowed to not do this because it’s just not cool.
After elementary school Jonah did some time in the United States Marine Corps. He became the youngest drill sergeant in the history of the Corps, but was honorably discharged after death-raping a private who looked at him too seriously. He took this omen as God telling him to travel the world looking for meaning in his life, so at 12 years old he traveled to Tee-a-wana where he attended a prestigious journalism and dentistry college.
TO BE CONTINUED